Encouraging Your Spouse

The last few months have been really stressful for Dan and I. I am not going to lie.  It seems like we have been bickering and fighting over the STUPIDEST things on earth.  It was anything from a single word being said that we didn't like to how he put the dishes in the dishwater to who knows what else!  It was getting on my nerves and I am sure he was thinking that our marriage was no picnic either.

On Mother's Day, Dan brought home some flowers and took me and Madi out to lunch. It was so nice to just spend time with them and walk around.  But inside I felt sad because it was the first time in a long time we had gone without arguing.  I grabbed his hand and I said to him:

"I am tired of us fighting all the time.  I want us to be best friends and like spending time together."

He said: "Me too."

I am learning that I can be a tad (okay a lot!) critical of my husband and of how he operates and completes tasks.  I am far more anal retentive about how things should be done and he is a little more relaxed.  I decided on Sunday evening that I would try an encourage him instead daily through phone calls or text messages or notes instead of just calling him and nagging him about the next project I wanted him to tackle.

I started this on Monday.  I just texted to him that I loved him and I was praying for him today (he had a big project that needed to be  finished by that day and I am sure he was stressing to finish).  He came home and thanked me for the encouragement.  I could tell it put a little pep in his step as he walked through the door, knowing that his wife was thinking and praying for him all day (which I was!)

Tuesday: "I love you so much. Hope you are having a great and productive day. I am so thankful for you!"

After work, he was at home before I was and was willing to go grab food and let me relax my feet a little bit.  Later that evening, he said this to me:

"Honey, it really means a lot to me when you send me those little messages.  It really encourages me."

Me: It does?

Him: Yes. It helps me a lot and it is nice to hear those kinds of things from you instead of a to-do list. So thank you very much!

A lightbulb literally went on in my head. It starts with me.  I want a relationship with my husband like no other….and I have to work at encouraging him and loving on him.  That doesn't mean that he doesn't want a great relationship too.  He does, I know he does. But sometimes one person just needs to take action to make a change.  I saw a difference in Dan's demeanor towards me within 2 days of doing this.

I am not writing this out to brag or make you feel bad or act like I have it all together. I don't.  Clearly in the beginning of this post Dan and I were having problems getting along because of all the stresses we were feeling at work, home etc and we were taking it out on each other and not nurturing each other.  So if you feel that you and your spouse are in this spot, maybe take a look at what you can do to encourage your man/wife, butter them up and remind them of how much you love and appreciate them. It only takes a few minutes.  I think a lot of us spend far more time in front of the tv or on facebook than we do spending time with our significant others. 

What do you all do to encourage your spouse? 



5 thoughts on “Encouraging Your Spouse

  1. Sassy says:

    I just want to say Thanks! I had just read an email form my husband saying he was going to be late. I was really annoyed and wanted to tell him how much! I read this and decided to email him and tell him thanks for being such a hard worker and great provider for our family instead.
    So thank you, Your amazing!

  2. Jennifer Lynch says:

    You two are so cute! It sounds like you’re doing the Love Dare from the Fireproof movie. It also sounds like you figured out Dan’s love language is words of affirmation. That’s my husband’s too. I feel like I’m saying the same thing over and over, but it makes him feel good, so just keep on encouraging him. Great job on making a conscious decision to be intentionally encouraging. You rock!

  3. Shawna says:

    You two are so sweet! I know when I was pregnant with our girls, we got into more arguements than ever. It’s especially hard to be compassionate when you are carrying a child. That being said, I think it’s GREAT you are making such an effort to show your husband love and respect. I read the book “Power of a Praying Wife” and it opens my eyes to the things that are important to my husband and areas I need to show him more compassion.
    Way to go putting making your husband a priority!!!

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