What To Look For-Hate The Game


At Illuminate we are really hitting home in our relationship series.  We often hear from our students about how much they desire to find the one that they are going to spend the rest of their lives with.  I have no doubt about how much they desire to be loved by someone.  I felt those same feelings often.  I often would ask God just who would be my husband.  I waited anxiously to meet him, but I am at the same time so thankful that God put me in areas to serve and taught me how to love HIM first.  It wasn't an easy lesson, but it was one of the best lessons I have ever had.  And I learned so much in that time of serving on with our high school ministry. And I met so many amazing people during that time. 

A question I get a lot from people is how did I know Dan was it? What exactly was I looking for and did Dan meet it? Did I have a list of things that were non negotiable? 

For one, yes. I did have a list.  Let me elaborate a little bit.  I became a christian nearly 10 years ago.  I have had my share of failed relationships, both christian and non.  I didn't want to just date some guy to pass the time.  I also didn't want a guy who just said he was a follower of Christ, yet his life bared NO FRUIT whatsoever.  I also wanted a guy who served actively in his community/church.  I wasn't looking for a pastor to marry. In fact, I pretty much remember asking God that I NOT MARRY A PASTOR!  I wasn't sure I wanted that type of responsibility. And I had a pretty skewed vision of what a pastor wife was. 

I thought they were pretty boring and wore dowdy clothes. And we all know how I feel about fashion ya'll. 

When I met Dan, I wasn't looking for a relationship. The reality was that we both had just come out of long term relationships.  We were exhausted and didn't feel up to the task of getting to know another individual to see if it would work. Little did we know how much God was doing behind the scenes. 

Dan had all the facets of a man I was looking for…except that he was a pastor. Dangit!  What do I do with that??!!!  But honestly, I didn't see just a pastor.  I saw a man who LOVED God. Who desired to serve Him. Who longed to reach the entire world for Christ. Who would stop at nothing to share His name.  Who loved people.  Who was outgoing. Sensitive.  Compassionate. Goal-oriented. HAD A JOB! (that is a big one ladies. Take note.  I am not talking about how much money he makes.  I am talking about his ability to provide for his household.) And the idea of never marrying a pastor flew out the window. I was in love!

Our relationship wasn't 100% perfect. In fact, we broke up for a bit.  Perhaps one day I will tell our story. Of how we met. How we fell in love. Breaking up, coming back together…..all the stuff that movies are made of ;).

I believe that we should all have a standard that we keep in the types of people we date.  In saying that though….. a person looking for a 10 must be a 10 themselves.  So if you are looking for someone who lives a life of godliness, serves, is trustworthy and you aren't those things yourself….you will not attract that type of person you are looking for.  You, more often than not, attract what you are.  There are always exceptions.  But they are just that…the exception. Not the rule. 

I hope you are encouraged.  And remember…..seek your first love, your heavenly Father. 




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