Yesterday, our Women’s Bible Study created this special spot for us.
A spot where we could go and pray and lay our burdens and our hearts cry at His throne. We didn’t have to talk to anyone. We could just take a moment to be still and to pray. It was so lovely and encouraging. And I loved the idea so much.
But I instantly said in my head “I may never get to use it. People would see me and think something was wrong with my relationship with God.”
And that thought gave me pause. A long pause to be exact.
Because really. Who told me that I had to be perfect in order to pray in front of other women who love Jesus?
Who said that just because I married a man in ministry, that I can’t bow before him in worship and pray in silence?
Who said that I couldn’t ask for prayer from other women if I am struggling with an issue, or have a need, or a hurt?
Who said my life had to be perfect? Because I am to be an example?
Clearly….I believed this. Because I said it in my head and it trickled down into my heart. And clearly, Satan, yes my enemy, wanted me to believe this lie he planted. I don’t know when it was planted or when I really started believing it, but the truth is I can be afraid to be open about what I feel, experience or need.
It is much like asking for help from friends and family. You know you need help. That you should ask for it from those who love you. That they won’t see you as a burden but as a person they love who needs care and attention. But you don’t ask anyway. Because you believe the lie that you can get it together by yourself. That you are a burden. That people will see you as less than what you are.
I am a Christian. I have a relationship with Jesus first. If I want to pray before others and cry and tell you that life is not okay, then I should be able to.
The hardest part is just putting that into action.
So next week, I will take a moment at His feet. Not to prove to you that I can do it. But mostly, so that those who know me know that even pastor wives experience pain and brokenness. That we fall short and need Jesus oh so much. And we need His grace and mercy just as much as everyone else.
Let’s not be afraid to fall at His feet and give it all to Him friends. I hope we will squash this lie once and for all.
It is okay to not be okay.