My friend Stephanie is having a Blog your heart challenge. I definitely wanted to participate because I want my friends to really know and understand that I am not a perfect girl. That I am so far from it and in fact, I get it wrong most of the time. I hope you will join in the challenge.
Just be you and be real.
#1. I struggle a lot with feeling inadequate. With feeling unworthy. I have a great husband, beautiful children, a roof over my head and clothes on my back. Yet I struggle all the time that I am just not worthy to have it all because of my faults. Because I lose my temper with my loved ones. Because I lack patience with them. Sometimes I ask myself if I really truly deserve my family. Often I tell myself no.
#2. I am no good at keeping a clean house. I try, oh do I try. But my husband is far better at organizing and cleaning than I am. It’s the truth!
#3. That being said I am a pretty good cook and I really do enjoy it. But I just can’t get behind cleaning…haha!
#4. I write and talk a lot about working out and eating healthy. So a lot of my friends think that I LOVE it. I don’t. I would much rather sit on my butt and watch the Real Housewives of New Jersey eating ooey gooey treats. But since that will probably kill me I make myself do it. I do enjoy working out and eating well because I feel better afterwards. And since I want to live long enough to spoil my grandchildren I do it. Because the reality is I LOVE me some cupcakes y’all.
#5. I would like another baby. There I said it. I have been fighting it for so long!
#6. I am a Pastor’s wife. Sometimes I want to hide in a hole and never come out because while this is a calling I am humbled to be a part of, it can get very overwhelming. I try to enjoy it as much as I can, but it gets hard. It can be discouraging when people don’t listen. They talk behind your back or they talk bad about your husband to your face. And you can’t body slam them even though deep down inside you really want to. (All you PW’s know what I mean!).
#7. I struggle with my prayer life. I read my Bible, but I struggle with actually praying daily. I am ashamed to admit it.
#8. I feel like folks judge me, especially Christians, because I chose to have a network marketing business in health and fitness in order to help my family. I am afraid that they believe I no longer care about ministry or Jesus because I chose something out of the norm. That I didn’t go out and get a regular job or just focus on raising my children. I have to fight through my fears daily and tell myself that I am doing what I need to do to help my husband and I am still able to love and care for my family. To try not to justify myself to the naysayers.
So there it is. A piece of my heart for you all. Will you join in?